Lavender Kisses
by twent47blue
Summary: Kyo and Ryu had been best friends for life, its natural for them to fall for each other,so what will happen when Ryu decided to find something different? R & R pls.
1. Chapter 1

**THESE ARE ORIGINAL CHARACTERS, AND ORIGINAL STORY, NAMES AND PLACES ARE FICTITIOUS, NOT RELATED TO CHARACTERS AND REAL PERSONS.**

**Who would ever want to get close to another person if they knew how hard the letting go part was? In your heart they only die a little at a time, don't they? There are a lot of you who still don't know about relationships, one of the hardest ones was how long it took the ones you loved most to die in your heart.**

**Kyo and Ryu…they have been together all their lives. They have always been together like forever. Grew up together, played together and practically lived in each other's houses like they are twins, they are always together and nothing can separate them. It seems natural for them to fall for each other, since they hardly go and be with anyone else. So what went wrong? What broke them up? Kyo had been trying to figure that out for the last couple of weeks. Ryu said they should start sleeping in separate beds, start doing different things and with other people. When Ryu put a password on his laptop and started locking "his" bedroom, Kyo knew that something was definitely wrong. What did I do? What changed you? Kyo wanted to ask his lover but he never got the chance. They just woke up one morning, and Ryu decided he got tired playing house with Kyo and also decided to get a life of his own, without Kyo in it. Every time Kyo tried to ask him or talk to him. Ryu tried to dodge it and makes excuses for it.**

**"I just want something different. I'm just sick of doing the same stuff we do." Those were Ryu's words. Each word cutting through Kyo like a knife with the intensity of the way Ryu said them. That life he was talking about was the life they had together, living together.**

**Ten years. Ryu threw away ten years of their lives for something different, for stuff that didn't include Kyo.**

**Kyo finally got his answer one night when he got home. He was at the kitchen, grabbing himself a beer when he heard the keys to the front door. He smiled, his heart skip a beat. Finally, Ryu is home early, maybe this time they will talk, maybe this time this whole nightmare will be over.**

**He put his can of beer and was ready to greet his lover who had been having mood swings for the last two weeks. He stopped at the counter when he heard voices, Ryu had someone with him. Kyo could almost his hear his heart pounding, something's wrong. Suddenly he is finding it hard to breathe. It dawned on him now. He realized now what happened. This is not temporary like what Ryu was insisting about their relationship. You don't go telling your lover, like hey, let's have a time out; and let's not see each other for awhile. You don't put the one you love on hold. You don't take a break from a relationship you've been in your entire life.**

**Kyo tried to hold back the tears, Ryu's voice sounded excited and happy. He quickly went to the mini bar and grabs a bottle of Whiskey and a shot glass. Got one shot down to steady his nerves, he grabbed the beer just in time the door opened.**

**Ryu walked in with a stranger, a tall, good-looking guy. So this is his replacement Kyo assumed, taking everything in, the animated tone in Ryu's voice, the way he kept touching the guy, and yes, the bags the guy has with him.**

**"Oh, Kyo. Good that you're home." Ryu said, surprised to see him standing there.**

**"Hey." Kyo greeted with a nod. The stranger smiled at him. He just stood there.**

**"Jin, this is my housemate and best friend, Kyo." Ryu said, blushing. **

**Truth visible on Ryu's face, and Kyo understood, they've been together for ten years, no one knows them like they do each other, habits, flaws and moods. Kyo tried not to laugh and smirk at his former lover, now am reduced to a housemate and best friend huh? We've been Uke and Seme to each other for ten years. This is so like you, Ryu. Just like with his games and collections, he grew tired of them, neglects them and discards them later on. Just like what he did with me. Kyo looked at Jin, he will get tired of you after a month, yep, I will give you a month, tops.**

**Jin reached out and offer his hand, Kyo just gave him a nod. Ryu grabbed Jin by the arm, "Come on you can leave your stuff in our room." Ryu said, excitedly, leading the new toy to "his" room.**

**"Nice meeting you." Jin said, looking back at Kyo.**

**"Yeah." Kyo called back. Watching the new lovers go in what used to be their room, now he was banished to the guest room.**

**After awhile, he couldn't stand hearing the giggles and moans from the bedroom. He got up from the couch and grabbed his jacket. He was on his way out when a barely clad and flushed Ryu stepped out of the bedroom. Kyo wanted to die. But he closed his eyes for a second and remained stoic.**

**"Oh." Ryu said, startled. Kyo pretended he was dense, put on his jacket and was tying his boots.**

**"Ummm….we-we're …I…ahh…I mean, Jin and I are going out to dinner would you like to come?" Ryu asked.**

**Kyo looked at him flabbergasted, what am I, nine? Give me a lollipop and it's alright? Kyo shook his head. Unbelievable. "Sorry, tell your boyfriend next time, I got a date." Kyo replied.**

**Ryu ran to him with a big relieved smile on his face, "You do? Oh, I'm so—" Ryu exclaimed about to hug Kyo.**

**Kyo moved away suddenly, as if repulsed by his presence alone. "Don't. Touch. Me." Kyo said, with venom and eyes fierce.**

**"Don't you ever. Ever. Touch me again." Kyo said, looking at Ryu's face, Ryu looked pale all of a sudden, and was ready to cry. Good. I hurt you. About time. Kyo thought. Opened the door and slammed it on Ryu's face.**

**What went wrong? When did you stop….loving me? Questions filled Kyo's mind as he sat at their favorite rock. He kept thinking of those last weeks they've been together, trying to figure out if he did something to make Ryu stopped loving him. As he looked at the beach, he might need to find a new hang out soon, Ryu might bring his lover here one day, and he didn't want to be there, he didn't want to be hurt that bad, he couldn't take it. He might die. Fresh tears welling up his eyes.**

**Ryu sat at the couch, looking around the house, everything here, they bought together, the furnishing, Kyo painted the whole house, while him, being the "wife" decorated the place. Kyo was the most wonderful person he had ever known in his entire life, always forgiving, always caring, always gentle, he never raised his voice on Ryu, it's always about him, maybe that's why he grew tired, he was so spoiled, there's no more thrill anymore, no more action, no more surprises. He got up and walked to Kyo's room, the guest room whenever they have family and friends over. All the pictures and stuff that he threw out of their room, Kyo salvaged them. Touching them made him ached and hurt; tears started pouring down his face. What have I done? Just for a new guy, a new lay I threw away the one person who stood by me, loved me and took care of me for the last twenty years of my life. Even when they were kids, Kyo had always been the one taking care of the shy Ryu.**

**He went to the bed and lifted a picture frame to look at the picture, it was their picture last year, when he got mad, he tore it up into pieces and scattered it out in the balcony at three in the morning, Ryu fell on his knees, Kyo must have spent the whole morning looking for each small pieces of that photograph, because not even the smallest piece is missing, he painstakingly glued them all together. It was over something lame, he got mad, being a sore loser that he is, he reached out for the nearest thing he can grabbed, he slapped Kyo first and grabbed the picture and tore it up and ran to the balcony and threw it away. He got mad because Kyo was teasing him about the shirt he was wearing, he remembered that Kyo didn't come to bed until it was mid morning, he just thought that he stayed out because he was afraid that Ryu would kick him out of the bed. "Oh, Kyo." He cried his heart breaking. "I'm sorry."**


	2. Body Heat

Ryu and Jin were in the bedroom, when they heard a crash in the kitchen. Jin went out to check what's the noise is about, "Ryu!" Jin called from the kitchen. Ryu ran out of the bedroom to see what's wrong, it's Kyo. Jin was helping Kyo to the couch. Kyo was white as a ghost, clutching at his stomach. "What's wrong with him?" Jin asked, worriedly.

Instead of answering, Ryu started feeling Kyo's body, "What are you doing?" Jin asked, angrily. Ryu looked up and Jin saw he was crying, "Help me look for his medication or injections, he is having his attacks." Ryu replied, wiping Kyo's perspiration. Jin started looking at Kyo's pockets. Ryu ran to Kyo's room and got his former lover a new shirt.

"Kyo! Kyo! Where's your medication, where did you put it?" Ryu asked, they elevated his head to make him breathe easier. Kyo rolled back his eyes and dropped his head, Ryu let out a cry. Ryu jumped and started rummaging through the kitchen; Kyo usually keeps one spare in there.

"Ryu, I found it!" Jin shouted triumphantly, waving the injection. Ryu dashed to his lover and grabbed for it.

"It's empty! Please try to keep him awake and his head elevated, I will look in his room." Ryu said, panicking, running to Kyo's room like a mad man.

Jin found Ryu crying by Kyo's bed, rummaging through Kyo's cabinet. "Honey, let's just take him to the hospital or would you like me to get him his medication?" Jin said, gently, coaxing his lover to stand up.

Ryu looked up. This is why, Kyo. This is why I love him. In a short span of time, I found his gentle and kind side. Ryu thought, crying on Jin's shoulder.

"Go stay with him, hon. I'll take the car and go to the pharmacy." Jin said, planting a kiss on Ryu's lips.

Jin walked back in the bed room, put on shirt and jeans, after checking if he got the prescription he grabbed the keys to Ryu's car and went out.

Ryu walked to the couch where the fallen Kyo lain unconscious. What did he do, how did he end up this way without his medication? Ryu carefully looked at Kyo's pockets again. Kyo moved his head and moaned. Ryu kissed him on the lips and gathered him in his arms. "Don't do this, Kyo. Don't throw your life away because of me." Ryu whispered in his ears.

"Ryu…Ryu." Kyo moaned under his breathe. Ryu shouted, and cried, Kyo is burning up, the minute Jin arrived, Ryu had Kyo all bundled up.

Jin didn't want to be selfish and act jealous, but he found his new boyfriend on top of his so called house mate and best friend. If Kyo was pretending to be having an attack, Jin would have beaten the crap out of him. But he also saw that Ryu's eyes were swollen from too much crying, and now the unconscious Kyo was also shaking.

"Should we bring him to the hospital?" Jin asked.

Ryu shook his head, "No, he will be alright, let's just give him his medication." He replied, reaching out for the injection.

Jin crouched down beside him, "I think it's better if he sleep with us tonight." Jin suggested. Ryu let out a cry and hug him tight.

"Thank you, Jin. Thank you, am so worried. We had a fight and Kyo is always like this, hurting himself every time I get mad at him, he is my best friend, he knows me like no one has ever known me before." Ryu explained.

Jin smiled and squeezed Ryu's hand, "I understand hon. Don't worry. I understand. I didn't agree to live with you if I'm gonna start acting like a kid now. He was here before me, he owns half of this house, he is your family, and I should get used to having him in our lives." Jin said.

Ryu was so happy, if only Kyo would understand this, if only Kyo would see this, that this is how could he give up a ten year relationship over a week of knowing this man, this very wonderful man. "I love you, Jin. I love you so much." Ryu exclaimed and kissed him.

That night, they lay Kyo in between them, keeping him warm; keeping him bundled up with their own body heat to bring his temperature down.

That night, too, Ryu's love for Jin swelled, and is beginning to occupy most of his heart. Ryu tried so hard to hold back his tears; Kyo chanted his name in delirium, like a painful melody of a loved that is lost, Kyo called for the one he loved most.

"Ryu….Ryu….Ryu."

Jin didn't say anything. He trusted Ryu, he believed him when he said that Kyo is just his best friend and nothing more. He understands Kyo, too, anyone would want to be close Ryu, and he is such a sweet and gentle guy. He could swoon just looking at that wonderful face.

The next morning, Jin didn't wake up the two men. He left a note to Ryu to take the day off, and take care of Kyo, he will be the one to cover his shift while he's home.

When Ryu woke up, he was surprised to find the other side of the bed empty. He checked Kyo's temperature, his fever had gone down. He got up to get him another shirt when he saw Kyo's death grip on his shirt, Kyo was holding on like his life depended on it. Ryu indulged him and didn't get out of bed, and just grabbed for the nearest clean shirt from his drawer.

When he leaned closer, he met amber eyes, "Don't leave me." Kyo begged weakly.

Ryu smiled, "Am not going anywhere, I will take care of you." Ryu said, brushing away his hair away from his eyes.

Kyo shook his head weakly, "Be mine, Ryu. Please still be mine." Kyo said, softly, as tears well up his eyes again.

Ryu didn't know what to say, "Please stop, Kyo. Please, stop." Ryu begged as tears started pouring down his face, too.

Kyo's cold, damp hand reached out and touched his face, trying to wipe away his tears.

"I- - I can't live without you, Ryu. You are my life." Kyo began, closing his eyes briefly; Ryu coaxed him back to bed. But Kyo grabbed his hand, "Y- - You're the only life I know, Ryu. W-Without you, I-I'm nothing. I would die without you." Kyo said, it took effort for him to say all those words, when his head was spinning from the fever.

Ryu shook his head, "I can't Kyo, and I already loved him so much." Ryu replied.

Kyo cried, with the pain that was so unbearable, he hugged Ryu closely, Ryu let him.

"Whatever you want, just don't leave me. Don't send me away." Kyo pleaded, looking at him, his eyes pleading. Ryu's heart was breaking seeing him this way.

"I would live each moment with just a touch of your hand, a brief hug, a whisper of your lips, I won't ask for anything more. Just let me look at you and love you. I won't interfere. I promise, Ryu. Please let me." Kyo begged, and then his head fell back on the pillow weakly, his eyes closed.

Ryu held him, he still do love Kyo, you can't throw away ten years and you can't stop loving a guy like Kyo.


	3. Stealing Heaven

Kyo wouldn't eat anything. No matter how Ryu begged. He was fed up and angry, so he didn't realized what he was saying.

"Then get out, move out! I don't want to see you anymore!" Ryu shouted angrily. The pained look on Kyo's face stopped him and he realized now what he just said. He stopped and tried to reach out to Kyo as he tried to get up from what used to be their bed,

"W-Where are you going?" he asked, softly.

Kyo looked at him with tears in his eyes, "You told me to move out, right? You told me you don't want to see me anymore. Just give me a week when am strong enough I will leave you alone and take away your misery." Kyo said.

Ryu grabbed him, and embraced him, raining kisses all over his face, "Damn it, Kyo. Damn it!" Ryu shouted angrily.

Before they realized it, Kyo was kissing back, the argument forgotten, places, things and persons forgotten. This is Kyo and Ryu, the seme and uke of ten years ago, clothes peeled off, bodies intertwined, like a beautiful symmetry, these bodies belonged to each other, fit one mold, borne with familiarity, unspoken words, they answered the need that had remained unspoken.

When they broke away slowly, as each one settled down after they climaxed together, it dawned on Ryu what just happened. Tears fell.

"I'm sorry." Kyo said, wiping away those tears. "For stealing his heaven. It used to be mine but now it's his. I'm sorry if I have to steal it. I won't ask for it again."

Kyo got up weakly, almost swooned if Ryu didn't steady him. "Can you be mine when he is not here, Ryu? I beg of you, please? Even not like this. Just a kiss, a touch…kind words. That's all I ask. Let me look at you, feel your skin. Please let me stay." Kyo begged, his eyes full of hurt pleading.

Kyo dropped to his knees, holding on to his legs.

"Get up, please. Kyo. Please." Ryu said.

Kyo wailed, his heart is breaking. "Alright, Ryu. I won't touch you, never again. I won't kiss you. Just let me stay and look at you. I promise I won't go near you." Kyo begged, his voice breaking.

Ryu knelt in front of him, "Shhh….it's alright, Kyo. It's alright." Ryu whispered, taking his chin, making him face him.

"Okay…am yours, just like this. When Jin is not around, when he is away. But only when it's the two of us. When we're alone. I love him, Kyo, as I do you, I don't want to lose you but I don't want to hurt Jin."

Kyo smiled, Ryu smiled back at him. And then Kyo laughed, grabbed him in an embrace and kissed him all over.

Ryu feigned protest, "I thought you are sick?" he asked, laughing.

"You're my healing balm." Kyo whispered in a kiss.

"Enough for one more round?" Ryu asked, looking at him with a twinkle in his eye.

"As many as you want!" Kyo said, jubilantly, pinning him down on the floor, and they started making love all over again, this time more slowly, savoring the feel of each other, the taste of each other. The same way it used to be, when they were used to be just Kyo and Ryo.


	4. The Cheating Game

Kyo declined to sleep with them again, although he wanted to be close to Ryu again, to smell his skin, to feel him, to let Ryu's essence wash over him like elixir, like an exquisite bottle of amontillado. But he knew he wouldn't be able to help himself and do something that he would regret later. So, he declined Jin's generous offer and slept on his own bed, putting on his head set so he won't hear the faint sound coming from the other bedroom. He fell asleep, crying.

At two in the morning, he felt a familiar body climbing in the bed with him. He moaned, thinking he was dreaming, Ryu swallowed his squeal with a kiss.

"You have to learn to keep quiet if you want us to keep doing this. Jin may not be a light sleeper but he might hear us." Ryu said, between kisses. Kyo, bit his lips till it bled to muffle his groans as Ryu bathe him with kisses.

"Baby you're so hot, are you feeling alright?" Ryu asked, as he put a kiss mark on Kyo's neck.

Kyo buried his face under his pillow, he felt faint with desire racing through his veins.

"You're making me hot." Kyo whispered back.

Kyo was taken aback when Ryu unzipped his pants, he was always been the Seme, but he was so dizzy and weak from desire, he let Ryu do what he wants with him.

When Ryu took him in his mouth, he felt the blood rush to his head, he never experienced anything so wonderful. Ryu was feeling the same way, he had to clamp his mouth tighter on Kyo's erection because it was the sweetest thing he ever tasted, he moaned as he took his lover deeper and deeper in his mouth. Kyo was panting, finding it hard to breathe. He grabs Ryu's hair carefully.

"Slow down, baby, you're going to kill me. I can't breathe." Kyo said, weakly, his eyes rolling back, as he almost swoon, Ryu stopped for a second, when he can see the beads of perspiration all over Kyo, it's the first time for him to be Uke, and he is enjoying it. They never tried it before; making love to Kyo after weeks of brushing him away fueled his desire to take him. He slowed down his phase, and he can feel Kyo with every thrust. Jin didn't want him to go down on him; he always wants to be the man.

Ryu forgot where he was, he felt like he was on drugs, he was so high with desire with this man under him, so beautiful, so beautifully delicious. Kyo signaled him, but he didn't take away his mouth but he pulled back a little, Kyo was trying to push him away, but he ran his tongue around him, and Kyo couldn't hold it anymore, and he climaxed, Ryu drinking his lover's juice, for the first time, he liked it, and swallowed every last drop.

Ryu knew something was wrong, Kyo was panting too hard, he quickly put back Kyo's pants and ran to the kitchen to get him a glass of water and grabbed his medication.

Ryu helped him up, and he drank the water gratefully. "I'm sorry, darling. I couldn't help it; you look so delicious lying there." Ryu said, softly, wiping Kyo's face with a towel. He pulled Kyo's arm to give him the shot. And helped him lie down again. He got up and got him another shirt when he realized that Kyo was soaking wet from their love making.

When he brushed away the sticky hair away from his face, he met his amber eyes again, "I'm sorry if I passed out on you." Kyo said.

Ryu smiled with a smirk, "Its okay, we got plenty of time to practice, you will get used to me." Ryu said, with a little laugh. Kyo tried to slap him weakly, but Ryu grabbed his hand and kissed it. And he leaned down and whispered, "You tasted so good, Kyo. I will let you get your strength back and maybe we can try it again. This time we will do it all day." Ryu teased.

They both heard the door to the other bedroom opened, Ryu grabbed a blanket and covered Kyo with it, Kyo pretended to be sleeping. After awhile Ryu looked up to see Jin peering by the door, "Hi." He mouthed, and raised his hand to put a finger on his lips. Jin smiled and tip-toed over to him. "How is he?" Jin whispered. "He is okay, his fever broke, and he is sweating now." Ryu replied, feeling a little guilty. He got up and they walk out of Kyo's bedroom.

Jin led him back to the bedroom, "Why don't you take the rest of the week off, hon. Business is kind of slow anyway; I don't need you at the store right now. Take care of Kyo; he needs someone to look after him till he is better." Jin said. Ryu looked at Jin, felt like crying, why do you have to be so damn nice? Ryu wanted to shout, he wanted Jin to be a little mean so he won't feel so guilty cheating on him with Kyo, he embraced him, as he tried valiantly to hold back the tears.

"It's nice to be your manager's lover huh?" Jin teased, with a grin. Ryu slapped him lightly on the arm. What about Kyo? Kyo was the nicest of them all, accepting him and even feeling guilty when he dumped him, Kyo should be mad and hate him, but Kyo even beg to be the third person, the silent third person.

"Thank you, I'm sure he will get better in a couple of days." He said. Jin was already snoring after a minutes, Ryu pretended to be sleeping. He felt being torn in two. He didn't like the game he is playing; he didn't like being the person he is turning out to be.

How could you love two people at the same time? Ryu wondered. He thought of Kyo, how could you love me? You're supposed to hate me; I'm using you both, am playing with you both. Am an evil person, hate me, hate me! Ryu wanted to shout at Kyo. He fell asleep crying, and hating himself, for a person who's got two wonderful men loving him, he never felt so miserable in his entire life, and he blamed himself for being this way.


	5. Forever And Ever Baby

**Kyo knew then something was wrong. Have you ever loved anyone more than you love yourself? That's how Kyo loved Ryu. More than anything. Above all else. A crazy obsession that went beyond the borderline. And you will always say it only happens in books and in love songs. But those authors and song writers never met Kyo yet. If they did, they will raise their hands, and say, I give up. You're tops.**

**Kyo didn't sleep. He was so happy that Ryu is still the same again with him and even more. But how long can he stand this set up? How long he can go on pretending that it's alright, and tell him, he doesn't like to be the anchor anymore, but he wants to be at the wheel with him? That he wants to know where Ryu is taking them, and how long they are gonna carry that excess baggage named Jin. He cried himself to sleep again. And this time, he prayed if everything is not back to normal, that he won't wake up anymore.**

**Ryu had an early morning treat from Jin before his lover went to work. Ryu wanted to tell Kyo that he made up his mind, that he already made a choice. That he didn't want to play this game anymore, that he will help him find a new place, gave him all his savings so that Kyo can be settled away from him. Permanently.**

**Ryu found him sitting on his bed, holding their picture that he glued together, staring at it. He looked pale. Ryu decided to wait for a better time.**

"**Hi." Ryu greeted, walking over to him, touching his shoulder. Kyo didn't move, he didn't respond. Ryu sat down beside him and took his hand, it was cold and clammy.**

"**Hey." A little louder. He peered closer and looked at his lover's face. It was a blank mask. He was staring into nothingness, his mind is either somewhere else or nowhere at all.**

"**Kyo!" he called shaking him. No respond. He slapped him. "Kyo!" he cried, looking at his face, cradling him in his arms. "Answer me, baby. Answer me." Ryu whispered, showering his pale face with kisses.**

**A tear fell from Kyo's eye. "Ryu." He croaked, his voice cracked. Ryu kissed him hard, invading his mouth, giving him air, sticking his tongue, conquering Kyo. As if he knew Kyo needed air, that Kyo is dying. If only Ryu knew that's what Kyo wanted, that's what he felt. That's what he hoped.**

**Ryu stopped when Kyo fell limped under him. "Am sorry. I forgot that you're still weak from all the activities." He said softly, capturing those lips again. Tasting Kyo. Why is it now that he wanted Kyo so badly? Why is it now that he couldn't get enough of this man? He wanted to eat him and swallow him whole.**

**They were so happy then, he felt he was on top of the world. Every time he looked at him, he couldn't help but let out a sigh, he felt so lucky. He was so proud of him. Why do you love me so much? Ryu wanted to ask him. He just wants this forever. Kyo. Forever.**

**Kyo works in a photo shop, he works the graveyard, to suit his nocturnal habits. While Ryu is the opposite, works early in the morning as a medical examiner for a medical insurance company owned by Jin's father and where Jin is his superior officer. They are opposite like night and day…when Kyo's shift ends, Ryu's started.**

**But since they started living together, even when they were just room mates in college, Kyo would stay up another hour, prepare Ryu's work clothes for the following day, taking out his ironed scrubs, under wear, socks, work shoes; in the bathroom, Kyo would ready a towel, bath soap, shampoo, toothbrush with toothpaste, mouth wash and he would line them up. He would take out the power drink that Ryu loves that he put in the freezer and put it next to his medical bag, along with the schedule that Kyo prepared the night before, calling up appointments, preparing appointments for the day. Kyo even looked up the addresses for his medical examines.**

**Kyo would hang around by the couch to make sure he didn't forget anything. There are times he would bolt out of bed and ran barefoot in his boxers chasing Ryu when his lover forget something or call him to drive back.**

**Ryu liked these moments, when Kyo pampers him and baby him. Most of the time he was too tired and sleepy when he got home, but like a practiced routine, he automatically do everything before crashing into bed. Ryu forgets. He forgets sometimes to even bring the key to his car, and Kyo will be right behind him to hand it to him.**

**Ryu once asked him why Kyo do these things for him. "Because I want to." Kyo said, leaning over and planting a kiss on his forehead.**

"**Because I love you." Kissing him on the lips. Putting away the laundry that he just did. Ryu pouted, Kyo gave him a questioning look.**

"**I hate you." Ryu teases, with an evil grin, making a mess of the folded shirts and pants on the bed that Kyo spent hours putting away.**

**Kyo smacked his bottom with a laugh, "Stop that." He reprimanded. And leaned over and took a nip at his ear. "Why do you hate me?" he asked, folding the mess all over again, smacking his bottom with every shirt he got from the pile.**

"**Because I might get used to you and need you." Ryu said, sticking out his tongue. Kyo made a lunged at him to try to take a bite off his tongue.**

"**What if we break up and I have to live with someone else, I don't think I can do this thing, or ask that person to this thing that you got me so used to." Ryu said, hands akimbo.**

**Kyo looked at him carefully to see if he was serious, "Why are you thinking that we might break up? It's you and me forever and ever, baby." Kyo said, grabbing one of Ryu's brief and putting it like a crown on top of his head, and laughed. Ryu got up from the bed, tried to make a lunge at him but Kyo was quick to dodge him.**

"**Ahhhhh!!!! I'm gonna kill you!!!" Ryu cried, and they chased each other all over the house. When Ryu caught him, well, when Kyo let Ryu caught him, he kissed him so passionately, Kyo don't know what else to do but to sigh and melt in his arms.**

**Ryu looked at Kyo carefully, lying on the bed, passed out cold, sleeping. Brushing away his hair away from his wonderful face. Yes, those were the times. He was so happy and content. But why is he looking for more? Wanting more? What else anyone can give him that Kyo hadn't done or hadn't given him yet? He shakes his head, he didn't know. He really didn't know.**

**Ryu looked at the hand holding him, even in sleep. Kyo wouldn't think twice dying for him. They had a stupid argument about that. He was in one of his foul moods, found his lover irritating, too clingy and suffocating him in the relationship. "Can't you get a life? Why do you always do everything I ask you to? Why don't you contradict me for once? I want to hear YOUR opinion this time, Kyo!" Ryu asked, one question after another. Kyo was thinking how he should handle this, if Ryu had a problem at work, problem with one of his patients? He stood there, watching him.**

**Ryu picked up his Swiss knife, and handed the opened blade to Kyo, "Slash your wrist!" Ryu commanded, Kyo took the knife and looked at him helplessly. Ryu slapped him and stormed out of the house.**

**That's when things started to change. Most of the time Ryu would kick him out of the bed and tell him to sleep in the guest room. Kyo was patient with him. Bringing him flowers, doing his old routine. But Ryu wanted to show Kyo that he doesn't need these things, he doesn't need him, he can function without Kyo. He was so determined to piss off Kyo, getting a different scrubs and leave the one he left out, brewing coffee instead of getting the power drink he cooled in the freezer for him. Testing Kyo. He wanted him to get mad, throw a tantrum and put him in his place. But Kyo didn't say anything but continued and tried to everything to please him, satisfy him. Until Ryu got pissed off and told him to move to the guest room. So here they are now.**


	6. Checkmate

Ryu watched him sleep. Everything was still, everything was quiet. Kyo was here but he felt he had gone somewhere and left him. What it would be like if Kyo was gone and it would be just Jin and him? What life would he have? Would Jin be like Kyo, gentle as Kyo, caring as Kyo? He got used to one brand of loving, Kyo's. He was spoiled, loved with a love that was selfless. They have mutual respect for each other, complimented each other. Needs, wants…everything, they had known each other all their lives, they haven't known anyone who could understand them like they do each other. So Ryu made a decision. He would give Jin a chance, two weeks, if nothing serious sparked between them he would go back to the life he had with Kyo. When he smiled, Kyo stirred from his slumber.

"Hey, handsome." He whispered, kissing him. "Hey." Kyo called back, weakly. Ryu touched his face, "Hungry? Want something to eat?" He asked. Kyo nodded and smiled. Ryu kissed him again, and got up.

After lunch, Ryu said they needed to talk; Kyo raised his hand, signaling he wanted to say something. "If he is the one you want in your life, fine. I won't make it hard for you. You made your choice. I made mine. Just give me time to make arrangements and I will leave you to your heaven." Kyo said, and looked at him. Ryu looked; Kyo looked at him, "Is there anything else?" Kyo asked. Ryu shook his head. "Then leave." Kyo said, opening the door to his bedroom. Ryu was taken aback. Kyo looked at him again; Kyo gave him a questioning look.

"Jin won't be home till later." Ryu hinted, still sitting there on the bed.

"I'm not your toy, Ryu. You made your choice." Kyo said. Ryu looked at Kyo, he doesn't look the same, and he is cold and uncaring. As if this is not the same Kyo he made love to a few hours ago. He got up and walked out of the room. Kyo closed the door behind him without a word.

After an hour, he saw him at the balcony, a can of beer and a cigarette in hand.

"You shouldn't be doing that, that's bad for you." Ryu said. Kyo looked at him, and blew smoke on his face.

"Who says? Are you my mother?" Kyo said.

Ryu let out a gasped, "What's wrong with you?" he asked, walking to him, about to touch his forehead. Kyo stood up and walked away.

"There's nothing wrong with me. You wanted to meet the real Kyo, right? I never thought I will be this way again. But you made me, Ryu. I was planning to settle down with you, spent the rest of my life with you. But suddenly, you kicked me out of our bedroom, bring in your lover and now you're kicking me out of my own house. I hope all your plans won't back fire. I hope your guy is a good lay in bed." Kyo said, threw his cigarette butt out and bumped into him on his way back in the house.

After an hour, he heard the door to Kyo's bedroom opened, he was all dressed up. Put on his boots and walked out of the door.

Ryu was thinking what went wrong? This is not the way he planned to spend the week. This is not how he expected Kyo to behave. How then? He asked himself, still submissive and passive, harmless Kyo? Endless sex marathon for a week? He jumped when his mobile rang.

"Honey, I won't be coming home till next week, Dad asked me to go to the other branch. I'm sorry, are you guys doing okay?" Jin asked.

Ryu didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "We're okay, don't worry about us. You want me to come in tomorrow?" He asked.

"No, no. Stay with Kyo. I got our branch covered; it's the other one that is having some problems, am on my way there now. I love you, call you later." Jin said.

"Love you, too." Ryu heard a click. Great a week of being a house sitter, Ryu said, glumly.

Suddenly he heard voices and giggles, a girl giggling; he turned to check the front door. It opened and revealed Kyo with a girl in tow! And he was kissing her! Ryu's eyes went wide, he was about to protest when Kyo dared him with a look. So he watched them helplessly as Kyo led her to the bedroom, and after a few minutes he can hear moans and other noises in the bedroom.

Ryu slumped down on the divan by the patio, is Kyo doing this on purpose, showing him if he can do it, he can do it worse? He never realized how much it hurts. Did he really hurt him that way? That hard?

Ryu didn't care anymore. He walked to the bedroom and lay down to take a nap. Now he is the one feeling miserable.

It must have been an hour or two when he woke up hearing the front door closing. He checked to see if Kyo left with the girl. He had a fleeting glance of long hair. He walked to the bedroom and saw Kyo lying there, half naked with a blanket thrown at his legs haphazardly. He went near the man and shook him, "Kyo." He called. All he got is a moan and the blanket rode up dangerously. Ryu looked around the room, beer cans and a bottle of whiskey scattered on the floor, he leaned closer and sniffed Kyo's breathe. Nice he reeked of alcohol. He was peering at the radio clock on top of the TV, it was almost 9pm, he was gonna get up when Kyo's arm snaked through his neck and gathered him in an embraced. "Ryu." Kyo whispered.

What now? Ryu thought. He tried to disentangle himself from his position but when Kyo moved to hold him tighter, the blanket fell away, revealing a naked Kyo. When Kyo moaned his name again and released him, Ryu was still staring at the inviting erection of Kyo. He touched it, it stood up, inviting him for a lick, it was warm and dry. So, he didn't went to bed with the bitch, Ryu confirmed, Kyo was only trying to hurt him back, they probably just faking it all along, or probably watching porn and drinking, and the girl left because Kyo passed out drunk.

He moved closer to Kyo again, kissing his neck, trailing kisses all over his chest. He elicited a groan, and Kyo was pulling him close, moaning his name over and over again. He went into frenzy with Kyo's warm body and hands traveling all over him, undressing him, he forgot everything. Kyo opened his eyes, his eyes burning with desire.

"Take me." Kyo commanded. Ryu teased him first with his tongue, circling, licking and sucking, Kyo was bucking and moaning. When he knew that Kyo was ready, he grabbed for the lube by the night table and readies his love for him. This would be the second time; Kyo is still tight, very hot and tight, arousing every senses in Ryu.

After they climaxed together for the nth time, they lay exhausted and spent in Kyo's bed, limbs tangled, arms around each other, as if nothing happened the few days.

Ryu was aroused from his slumber when the bed was shaking, he thought it was a tremor or something, it was Kyo, curled up in a ball, crying softly, trying so hard to hold back the whimper, his body glowing with sweat, his face bathe with tears, he must have been crying for hours. He didn't know what to do, to hold him or just let him. Now he wanted to cry, too. He moved a little on the bed, Kyo tried to hold back his sobs, he feigned sleep when Kyo rolled over and face him, leaning over him, brushing his hair, kissing him over and over again, he embraced Ryu and with a final kiss he got up from the bed. He must be faking that he was already okay he almost swoon back on the bed, Ryu panicked about to get up and catch him, Kyo dropped to his knees and waited till the vertigo subsided. He walked to his drawer and hunt for his medication.

When Kyo fell back on the bed to sleep, wrapping his arms around Ryu, it was his turn to stare into nothingness and think. What to do now? He wondered. He didn't want to send Kyo away anymore but one of them has to leave. He didn't want to decide, he was selfish, and he wanted both men. He stared and stared up the ceiling hoping to find his answers there.


	7. If Ever I Would Leave You

When they woke up that morning, they had a silent agreement not to talk about it. They agreed to live up the week and decide when the time comes. So everyday that week was like it was before. Before there was Jin. But this time, they are more closer, sweeter and probably more in love with each other.

But they had changed individually. Especially Kyo, he was more quieter now, more aloof, especially if in the middle of making love, Jin would call. Kyo would try to get up and leave, saying he wants them to have privacy, but actually he was hurt every time that happens. Kyo didn't want to hear how Ryu would flirt with Jin, it hurts him, with every laugh he would kiss Kyo, with every I love you he would touch Kyo. There was even a time that he had a phone sex with Jin and he was actually doing it to Kyo, Kyo couldn't do anything, every time Ryu touches him, he would just grow weak. He just lay there and waits for Ryu to get off the phone, and wait for Ryu to really have his way with him. Ryu got used to being the Seme now, in fact he enjoyed it so much, Kyo would sometimes beg for them to stop and have a rest.

But Kyo didn't like this, didn't want it to be this way. He didn't want to admit that he was weak, that he can't leave, he knows he have to act now or else he would get hurt so bad that he would not forgive Ryu. He wants to remember him just like this, loving him, enjoying their times together.

"I got a job in another town, the pay is better. And you need to decide where you want to take this relationship. I don't want to be there if you decided you wanted him more than you wanted me. So, to make it easier for both of us, I took the job, Ryu." Kyo said, while they were having breakfast one morning,

It's just been three days, but Kyo felt it went on forever. He wanted to remember it that way.

"When are you leaving?" Ryu asked, his fork poised, hanging in mid-air, wishing that it didn't have to be this way.

"Tonight." Kyo replied, bowing his head, trying to control his tears.

The fork clang to the plate where Ryu dropped it. Kyo didn't say anything, he got up and stood in front of Ryu, lifting his head, tears pouring down his lover's face, Kyo gave him the chastest kiss, with all his love, with all his heart. "I love you." He whispered in Ryu's ear and walked to his room and locks the door.

He didn't want Ryu to see him breakdown, he didn't want him to see that this is much harder for him, that if Ryu asked him to stay, if Ryu begged him to stay, he would. So he didn't wait for him to say anything because he knew he won't be able to control himself.

Ryu was knocking on the door, he ignored it. He was sprawled on the floor, crying so hard, he was too weak to get up. He couldn't remember it but he must have passed out or fell asleep. When he woke up it was dark.

The house was quiet. Ryu was either sleeping or out. He didn't check, he knew if he did he could never leave. So with a few of his belongings, he walked out the door quietly. There was no job out of town, he didn't know where to go or what to do, he just didn't want to be with Ryu again and having Jin shattered his world with reality, that this is just for a week and after this Ryu would have to decide. Yes, Ryu says he loves him now, now with Jin out of the way, with Jin just on the other line, but not on his bed, but what if Jin was here, and holds him, makes love to him, he didn't think Ryu would still say the same thing. He reached the bus stop without knowing it. So where ever his feet are taking him, he didn't know, but where ever he is going, he thinks it's better than staying where he was now.


	8. The Final Cut

When Kai bumped me on the shoulder, I remembered where I was. "Hey, sleeping on the job again, I see." Kai said, putting his arm around me, peering over my shoulder.

I saw an article in the paper that brought me back to the past. It was only been a month, but it felt like years. I looked up and gave him a weak smile.

"Sorry, I need to go out for awhile, I will be back, it's important, would you cover for me for me for an hour? I promise I will make it up to you." I asked him, looking at him, pleading.

He must have seen the desperation in my face that he nodded, touch my arm and gave it a light squeeze, "Go ahead, I will cover for you. Take your time." He said, with a light smile.

I smiled back, trying to hold back the tears. "Thank you, Kai." I said, gratefully, grabbing my bag.

"Kyo." He called, when I reached the door, I looked back, "Be careful." He said, I smiled and nodded.

I took the newspaper with me; I couldn't believe what I just read. I couldn't believe he would do that to me. So maybe that's why he didn't ran after me, that's why he didn't look for me.

I got back in the apartment I shared with Kai, and got my old phone directory, looked up his aunt, my hands were shaking when I dialed the number, it was difficult to see, and I was blinded by my tears. But I connected, and reached his aunt who had always treated me as her son.

"Auntie, it's me, it's Kyo." I said, trying to sound normal, trying to lighten up my voice.

"Oh, Kyo, it's so good to hear from you! How are you, dear? How come you never come to see your Auntie Mae anymore?" she said, sounding so motherly, so warm.

"I'm sorry, Auntie, I already moved and I lived so far out now, but I will come visit you as soon as I can." I replied. I don't know how to ask, so afraid to ask. "Auntie…" I began, before my courage gets the better of me.

"Oh, Kyo…Kyo…I'm sorry. You've seen the papers. I'm really sorry, my son. You know how Ryu is with his gambling, and bad habits." She said, I can almost see the tears in her eyes. Yes, I know that. I've sold everything I own to cover all of his gambling debt, that was one of Ryu's worse flaws, he is a gambler, and he is addicted to it, he would even sell himself to pay for his debts.

So, it wasn't for love. "They got married in San Francisco, Jin bought a million dollar house in Nevada, and they travel there when they are home for the holidays from Jin's group of companies in New York." Ryu's aunt said.

"Oh, I was gonna ask you something else, Auntie. Ryu and I broke up a long time ago, he really had been seeing Jin for almost a year now, so naturally they would get married." I lied.

Auntie Mae laughed, "Oh, Kyo. Don't make excuses for Ryu, we know how bad he is and how he is so addicted to his gambling. And I know you, you are my son, remember?" she said.

I chuckled, "Oh, Auntie. I could never get one passed you, huh?" I said. "No." she said, with a laugh. "How is he? Is he okay, has he been taking care of himself?" I said, my voice softened. He probably forgot about me, too. I wanted to say.

"We don't know. I guess, he shut us out, because Jin's family is a snob and didn't want anything to do with us, probably he thinks that we want our hands on his money, too, like Ryu. That boy, what was he thinking? Am sure am glad that you're no longer with him, Kyo, he might be my nephew but sometimes, I wish you were and not him." She said.

"Oh, Auntie Mae, I love you." I said, with a smile on my voice. "Don't be too hard on him, it's a sickness, and he can't control it, well, good thing his husband is rich and can support his habits now." I said.

She laugh, "Yes, but I heard that this Jin and Ryu had a pre-nuptial agreement, and that Jin only paid, the last of Ryu's debt and was planning to put him in a rehab center so that would end his bad habit. That was kind of good, maybe this Jin really love Ryu after all."

I was quiet. The last words echoed in my head like a knife. I exchanged a few more pleasantries with Ryu's aunt before hanging up the phone. I wasn't feeling well after that phone call, I felt so drained and weak, I called Kai and told him I was taking the rest of the day off. He said, it's okay that they were closing early that he would see me later when he gets home.

I didn't want to drink. It's bad for me, I don't have the money now to keep buying my medication. So I decided to just take a nap and hopefully I would feel better and get back to work tomorrow.

I couldn't believe it, they did it. They got married, I didn't know that Ryu is so in love with Jin that he would go all the way to San Francisco to make it final with this guy. He could always use him, he had done so in the past, all those former lovers and flings that he had, and I thought this Jin would be just one of them. I guess, I was wrong, I guess, I should have said, I would give myself a month and Ryu would dump me instead. How could you, Ryu? How could you?


	9. Outside Looking In

Kai knew it's all about Ryu but he didn't want to interfere. It's got nothing to do with him and he really didn't know anything about Kyo or Ryu, only those things that Kyo had related to him. Kai met him where he works part time. Kyo looked so lost sitting there, nursing a cold coffee. He was sitting at the loneliest part of the bar, the back booth, away from prying eyes. He looked so lost and out of place. He is not from around here, that's for sure.

The bar is empty and Kai got nothing to do, so have time to observe the lonely stranger sitting at the back of the bar. He wondered what's wrong, he was just sitting there staring into space. Suddenly his head slumped on the table, Kai was about to see if something happened, and then he can see Kyo's body shaking. When Kyo lifted his head, Kai saw he was crying.

Kai had seen a lot of things like that, some would even relate to him their story, and even some would force you to listen to them. But this guy was different. He would look away and try to hide himself. The years he had worked as a bar tender, he learned not to ask, not to pry, and not to get involved. But with this stranger, he felt so drawn. Those kind eyes, that face. He can't help it, but stare and be drawn. Take him in your arms and tell him everything would be alright now, because you will be there for him.

He didn't know why he did it but it was too late now, he already poured the Whiskey on a shot glass and was already near the stranger's table. Kyo sensed someone coming and wiped his tears quickly.

Kai set the Whiskey glass in front of Kyo, and took the cold coffee away. "H-hey, I-I didn't order this." Kyo said, grabbing his arm before he could walk away. Kai smiled, "Looks like you could use it." Kai said.

"I-I don't have money to pay for this." Kyo said, panicking. Kai smiled again, "Don't worry it's on the house, I would get you coffee and something to eat." Kai said.

Kyo opened his mouth about to protest, "My shift ends in thirty minutes, I hate eating alone, I'm inviting you to dinner, I hope you don't mind." Kai said, with a pat on the back. Kyo didn't know what to say, he just smiled, realizing he was hungry.

"Thank you." Kyo said.

"Okay then it's settled. I will bring you coffee and see you in 30 minutes." Kai said, extending his hand. "My name is Kai."

Kyo shook his hand, "Kyo. Thank you, Kai." He said. Kai nodded and walked away. Kai had never done that before, walk over to a stranger, invite him for dinner and introduce himself. He smiled, maybe because I like his face. He seemed to be a nice guy. Kai shrugged and went to get Kyo his coffee.

Kyo sat there and wondered, here I go again, on to my next chapter. I'm tired, so tired. I don't want this life anymore, am tired being me, every time I'm with someone I end up this way. Why am so gullible sometimes? Why do I trust so easily when I already know they are lying I still pretend I didn't know any better. So here's another stranger, am sure he will want to know my life, too. I will just tell him that Ryu is my best friend and we have a falling out so I needed to move out, I will leave it at that. I took out my wallet about to check if I still have my injections, I only have one left. So I took out one of those pills instead, I have to find a job to get more of my prescriptions.

My mind is so clouded and fuzzy from all these emotions , they are mixed up, I don't know what to think and how to think, how could you do that to someone you love? Does greed over powers love? How can you swear that you don't love a person, don't you bite your tongue when you know you are lying? Life is so full of mysteries, maybe Ryu is weaker than I am, maybe that's why he is always been the uke, he can't lead, he may look tough, but underneath that bully exterior he was really afraid. I don't know how to feel, there's just an ache, I can't breathe, and if I give in it will pull me in.

I looked up when the bartender showed up with a tray of food, wearing his street clothes. Yes, I am better than you, Ryu. I will forget. I swear, I will forget you.


	10. I Should Hate You

I said to myself that I don't want to see you ever again. That I never want to ever be with you again. Those months I had been away. I made myself forget you. I made myself believed I never met you. I made myself forget that once in my life I had loved someone more than I loved myself. That I have hurt myself more so I won't hurt you but did it ever matter to you? I doubt it. I really do. I do believe you have never even love like you said you did. I don't think you even know that word. All you know is me, me, and only me. It's got to be always about you.

Funny, I wondered now why I had loved you. I should hate you, you know. For making me this way. For doing this to me. I should hate you now for coming back after I thought I forgot about you, after I thought I had stopped loving you.

I hate you. I hate you so much. That despite the times I've made myself forget that despite of the distance and the time away. A single word, a single thing would affect me so much because it concerns you.

Why can't you leave me alone? Why can't you find someone else to abuse? I hate you. I hate you from the very core of my being. You have destroyed me, you have shattered my being. After I have loved you. You did this to me. After I gave you all, leaving nothing for myself. You cheated on me. No words or action could suffice for what you've done. You're not human. You have no feelings. You're not even capable of love. You only care about yourself.

I never thought a person like you exist, I never thought that anyone could be so evil. The mental torture you put me through. The pain, the mental pain that hurts more than the physical pain. I'm so lucky to survive and live to tell, that once in my life I made the biggest mistake in my entire life. The day I met you.

Ryu. Maybe if I say it out loud for the last time, it would break the spell that you have on me. Maybe it would release your hold on me. I threw away all your pictures but even without them, your face haunts me in my dreams. That I wake up sweating and screaming your name. Sometimes I wish I had an accident that I would bump my head and lose my memory. Maybe I would forget everything else but there's nothing I want more but to forget you.

You were in the very air that I breathe, the every feel that touches my skin, the very image that haunts me even in my slumber.

When you were hurt…when you were alone, those were the only time you remembered me, that you've thought of me. Is that all am worth to you? Is that the only time I cross your mind because you needed me and not for anything else? How could I ever loved someone like you? I kept asking myself that over and over again.

I'm sick of all your excuses, I'm sick of looking away and pretending I didn't know anything. I'm not stupid, Ryu, I know what you've been doing behind my back. I know you've been cheating on me all this time, I even asked you if I can share you, that I can have a piece of your time. You portrayed yourself as weak, and helpless, being the Uke, I thought you really were. But you're so devious, it's all just a ploy, a coquettish charm that you are so good at. And stupid me, I fell for it, with eyes closed I pretended I didn't know any better, I gave myself excuses, I gave myself lies to believe you. To see you the way I want to see you. For I love you so much, I got no control over myself when it comes to you. I am yours completely.

Kai had been supportive…not as a lover but as a friend. He gave me a reason to move on, to start living for myself for a change, for start thinking of myself, loving myself. It may not be hard to fall for someone like Kai, but we don't go there, we don't dare, I don't want to lose him as much as he didn't want to lose me.

It's different to sleep in a bed with another man not your lover, its funny at first, half of the time, I dragged myself out of bed for fear I might do something to him being so accustomed to sleeping with someone, I might hold him or kiss him while sleeping, and my biggest fear is I might get all hot and bothered feeling a warm body next to mine. But somehow he knew, he would hold me and kiss my forehead and we will leave at that. And it helped. To feel another body next to mine, that I knew whose love is genuine than the love I knew before that was really all a pretend. Somehow, his is more satisfying than merging of bodies, with him holding me, for the first time makes me feel safe, makes me feel wanted and yes, loved.

Gradually, he helped me let my demons go, he helped me back to be my old self again and not some puppet looking for a master to manipulate me. He stood by me, like an alcoholic withdrawing his bad spirits, I let go of you during those times, Ryu, I forgot about you during those times, bury you in the very back of my mind, bury you in my past that I would soon forget and never unearth again. Somehow, I found in Kai the true person I really been needing in my life. He didn't want anything material or physical from me, just someone to be there, to keep him company, to hear him talk, to listen to him, to spend moments with, and just someone you can rely on and trust. He is a friend and more than a friend. He is my saving grace…my healing balm, he had reached out and helped me out of the rut you put me through, Ryu, he helped me out of that rut you left me in. I maybe weak now….I may still have little feelings left for you. But someday I know I will get over you, I know someday I will be strong and truly get over you. Just you wait and see. I would forget you…Ryu.


	11. SemeUke 101 Private Lessons

Kai said I should go. I don't want to but he said I should. It would be good for you. His exact words. How could accompanying your ex lover on a road trip for three days be good? He said it would be my way to show Ryu I was over him. But I'm not.

"But pretending you are will piss the smacking life out of him." Good point.

"But we would be alone on the road trip, how am I gonna avoid him?" I asked my ingenious friend. Ryu asked me if I can accompany him on a road trip from New York to Las Vegas, because he needed to take the car back and yes, get back to work, but Jin just had a knee operation and couldn't be there to help him, I don't drive, he knows that, he said he just needed company to keep him awake and things like that, he beg and pleaded, and Kai was jumping up and down, nodding like a dog, so I said yes, reluctantly.

"Simple, my dear Watson." He said, and took out his mobile phone, "Innovation. Your new phone, your new laptop, would bug the smack out of him. You've got new stuff without him picking it out for you. He always does that, from your hair cut, to the brand underwear you wear. Suddenly you grew bones and brains, you're not his helpless little Kyo anymore." Kai said, flipping his phone open.

I laughed hard at that, and smiled, shaking my head. I never done that in a long time. Make my own mind and laugh.

Kai stood up, kissed the top of my head, "Yeah, yeah, I love me, too." He said with a grin. I smiled at him, stood up, and rubbed his arm affectionately, "Thank you, Kai." I said, and went to the bedroom to pack.

He followed me and lay down on the bed, looking at me. "You know, you can really pissed him off even more if you call your new lover, and take note, not just one, but you also have two extras on the side." He said, with a wink. I smiled. I like this guy. He's really a great guy. I'm just not sure if he is straight or a closet gay. I don't see any girls hanging around or a guy for that matter, and I don't see any interest to both at all. He kisses me on the forehead or the top of my head affectionately like he would a baby brother, he is a few years older than I am, and am a lot shorter and skinner. Even his quick hugs are brotherly and affectionate, like he is showing me that he's not awkward touching me, knowing that I used to live with a man and been intimate with one. To him, am his good friend and treat me as a real brother. That's why I like him a lot. And beginning to love him as a brother I never had.

"Let's see now." Grabbing my phone on the bed. He scanned the numbers, "I could be lover number one." He said. I stopped what I was doing and looked at him, trying to maintain a straight face.

"You?" I asked.

He smirked, "FYI. I'm the VP of our drama club back in college." He said, and grabbed a pillow, and made smooching noises while humping the pillow, "Oh, Kyo…Kyo…you're so good, Kyo! More, more Kyo, yes, yes! Oh, yeah! I'm coming! I'm coming!" he said mimicking the girl in the porn we watched the other night. I laughed so hard and grabbed the pillow and slammed it on his face.

"Crazy!" I said, with a laugh, and before I can finished my packing, we had a pillow fight that I end up packing my bag all over again.

I don't want to leave here. I'm afraid to leave here. In the safe haven with Kai. He had reformed me, restored my confidence. So, why would I tempt fate? Isn't when you're cured from an addiction you try so hard to get away from it so you won't be tempted to try it again? So why is Kai pushing me to meet with Ryu? I sat down and looked down at my hands, they were shaking so hard, and my whole body is shaking. And when I touched my face, I felt myself crying, I haven't done that in a long while. That's how Kai found me, curved in a ball, shaking and crying by the foot of the bed.

"Hey…" he said, touching his shoulder. Kyo flinched. Kai let out a gasped. He was afraid of this, this is how he was before when he took Kyo in. He grabbed his frail arm and tried to lift him up, he was dead weight at first, when he kissed Kyo on the cheek, Kyo crawled in his arms, his eyes were glassy and distant, his body drenched with sweat, his chest was glistening. This is not good. He thought he cured him from this but he was the one who pushed him back to where he was before. Meeting Ryu now will destroy him. He didn't want that. He's got to save Kyo. His mind racing with things he needed to do to bring him back. Kyo had crawled in himself again.

Kai had cared for this stranger for the last six months they had been together. But Kai is straight, he treats Kyo as his younger brother he never had. But seeing him this way, reminded him of their first meeting, how he helped Kyo to be better again. He didn't want Ryu to win now. He didn't want Ryu to take his Kyo away. HIS? Is he turning gay or something? He doubts that he is. But looking at Kyo now, shirtless, he can feel every inch of the man, he never told anyone, but he had changed since he met Kyo. He's got nothing against gays or lesbians but, he always prefers women than men. But how come he found himself being drawn to the boy? Holding him a second longer when he hugged him, he would intentionally brush his hand over sensitive places of the boy's body when they are sleeping.

Kai stared at those inviting lips, he traveled his eyes on Kyo's naked form. Kyo needed this. He insisted. He didn't know whether he was convincing himself or giving himself an excuse to have sex with his best friend.

"Kyo…I love you." He whispered on the boy's ear, and then he heard the most horrible sound he ever heard. It was a cry of pain that was bottomless. "Oh, Kyo. Don't….shhh….I'm here, I'm not gonna leave you." He said, showering his face with kisses.

"Kai." Kyo called out to him, closed his eyes and groaned.

And then Kai kissed him, capturing those lips that's been inviting him for a long time. And when Kyo opened his mouth, Kai invaded them, he had never done this with another man, but here, with Kyo, and it felt right. Kyo started kissing him back, that arouse Kai and he groaned with pleasure when Kyo stick his tongue in Kai's mouth. Suddenly, Kai's hands well over Kyo's body, exploring them, with Kyo whimpering and giving out small moans, fired Kai's senses, he pushed him down, and devoured Kyo's neck, sending ripples of desire down Kyo's body. Kai never felt this with anyone, Kyo's body is so hot, so enticing, he licked him and he tasted so good, eliciting more groan from the man under him. Kai got rid of the last of Kyo's covering and got rid of his own clothes. He didn't know what was happening, he felt like he was drunk from desire just watching Kyo writhe and gyrate his body to where Kai touched him, Kyo feeling so dizzy, he never felt this way with anyone, not even with Ryu, although Ryu bring out the beast in him, Kai has a more powerful touch, he grew so weak. Kyo tilted his head back in surrender, and Kai took him in his mouth. Kai didn't know what's happening, all he knew he had to take him, the impulse and the drive is gonna drive him nuts, with this wonderful, beautiful boy offering himself to him.

He never thought he would enjoy it with another man, he never thought that another man can drive him like this, his head swirling with arousal as he watched Kyo writhe his body with his every touch, and moans escaping those delicious lips as he suck, and lick his hot length, it's driving him wild, he tasted so good, so hot and so delicious. "Am gonna come, Kai, am gonna come!" Kyo said, pushing Kai's head away, he knew that Kai's a virgin and didn't want him to gag, Kai eased up and made a funnel for him to pump. When Kyo climaxed, Kai slithered from where he was and kiss him all the way till he found his quest, captured it with a long, torrid kiss.

Kyo looked at him with smoldering eyes, still burning with passion, still aching for more of Kai's touch. But he was grateful. He had his release, he had kept all those emotions bottled up inside. "Y-You don't have to do that for me." Kyo said, his voice still husky from the fever that he still feeling.

Kai was still on top of him, trailing his fingers on Kyo's chest, his eyes also have the same burning passion in them. Kai found one nipple and pinched it, Kyo let out a groan. "I want to." Kai said, with the same low voice. "I want you." Kai said, and his face found the nipple he was torturing.

Kyo bucked his hip with a cry. The more Kyo groaned, the more Kai sucked harder. With his other sticky hand, it traveled down Kyo's body, sending new sensation in it's descend and found Kyo's hole. Kai's eyes rolled back in pleasure as Kai sucked and added fingers into his hole, preparing him for bigger things to come.

"I want you!" Kyo growled, "Inside me, now!" his eyes fierce, biting his bottom lips till it bled.

Kai's chest was pounding, he only watched this in movies, he never thought he would be in one. He didn't know if he was doing it right. He hesitated. Kyo guided him. He wanted to be gentle but Kyo thrust his hips forward, impaling himself, and they both let out a groan of pleasure. It took him a moment to move, relishing the feeling inside something hot and tight, Kyo moved again. They set a phase.

He didn't realized he was pumping so hard when he sensed that Kyo was breathing too hard, his eyes tightly closed, gripping his arms tight. He slowed down, "Am sorry, babe, am sorry." He whispered, raining his face with kisses. Kyo nodded catching his breathe, setting a phase again for Kai to follow, Kai took hold of Kyo's length and they pumped together.

"Am coming, am coming, Kyo!" He whispered, pumping him hard, too. And they climaxed together.

Kai released Kyo with a pop, kissing his sweat drenched face, they were both laughing, "I'm coming Kyo, I'm coming." Kyo said, with a laugh, "You've got no originality Kai." He said.

Kai rolled on top of him, "At least now, I don't have to memorize it." Kai said, licking his jaw.

Kyo looked at him, smiling, "I didn't know you liked men." Kyo said, touching his best friend's face.

"I don't." Kai said, licking him again. "I only like you." Kai said, grabbing his arm and pulling Kyo on top of him, "My turn now." Kai said, with a grin.

Kyo looked at him surprised. "Come on now, you're just gonna sleep on the plane anyway." Kai said.

Kyo kissed him, "You're gonna make me sore all over." Kyo said, as he kissed him with every word.

"Hmmm…." Touching Kyo's erection, making the boy hard again, "Betcha you still got one more in there for your buddy Kai." Kai said, making Kyo closed his eyes and groaned. This time Kyo taught his best friend a crash course on Seme-Uke 101.


	12. Like Pair Of Old Slippers

I slept on the plane and on the greyhound, I was aching and sore, I couldn't walk right. But I felt so good, I never felt this way. Could it be am in love? No, I don't think so. Not the romantic love, but more, much more. I love Kai more than anything else in this world. And yes, more than Ryu now. I had buried him inside my heart, and nothing he do will change what I feel for Kai. I have fun when I'm with him, he makes me laugh, he takes care of me, we do stuff together, we are not together romantically but it's the most secured relationship I have ever been in. I may only have Ryu to compare it with but no matter what, am not gonna trade it with anything else or anyone else. This time I am home. It's not to love someone just for who they are and what they are in your life, he is my best friend, my brother and surprisingly, my lover, rolled into one, what more could I ask? I was standing at the station, holding my phone, looking at my screen saver, with Kai and me we took last night. No, not to show Ryu that I have a lover, or I found someone. I don't even want to show it to him. I told Kai am not gonna pretend to Ryu, that's not my style, am not like him. I just want him to know that am happy the way I way, and who am with, and to me that's all that matters. If he got hurt, I don't care if he shrugged it off and try to piss me off, I just pretend he doesn't exist anymore.

I was laughing so hard when I reached inside my bag to get my phone book and instead I found a framed picture of Kai, with a note attached to it,

Kyo,

Here's something to remember me by, let you know that am thinking of you and missing you.

Love you,

Kai

I took this picture when we were goofing around at the bar with his new digital camera. I was putting it back in my bag when I sensed him standing in front of me. That's one thing I can't figure out. Ryu will always have an effect on me, no matter what.

"Hey, there, stranger." He greeted, about to give me a buzz, I stepped back and extended my hand.

"Hi." I greeted. He stared at my hand for awhile and shook it reluctantly. He was planning to put his arm around me so I bend down at the same time to get my bag.

He looked pissed, I smiled broadly, "Good to see you, Ryu." I said, looking up. He tried to smile and was looking at me weirdly. He touched my neck.

"Was that- Is that a kiss mark? Or a bite mark?" He asked, as if reprimanding a small boy. I blushed, remembering sometime or another that Kai bit me there. I raised the collar of my heavy jacket.

"Ah...Gee…allergies, I think, I scratched it." I replied, looking away.

Ryu shook his head, "Yeah, mosquito with two heads." He grumbled, just then with perfect timing, my phone rang. I smiled when I saw who it was.

"Hey…you're up early." I said, with a grin, remembering the time difference. Kai has the same habit like I do, night person. Working in a bar, we developed the nocturnal habit. I looked at Ryu, "Excuse me, a sec." Ryu had that exasperated looked as he grabbed my bag and led the way to his car.

"Is he there? Are you okay, did you get to sleep on the plane okay?" Kai asked, sleepily, his voice sounded husky, I could just imagine him in bed, doing it for the nth time right even after I leave, he couldn't get enough. 'I created a monster.' I commented when he was tugging me at the car at the airport for another quickie.

I smiled, warmed all over, "Yeah, we're on our way to the car. What do you think? I'm sore, I couldn't sit right. And you put a bite mark on my neck." I said, with a laugh, trying to speak low. Ryu was eavesdropping, looking at me.

Kai laughed, "Serves you right for turning me this way. I used to be straight, you know. You've changed me." Kai said, talking in that voice that I found so sexy, the way it gives me goose bumps, now am getting horny just by talking to him on the phone.

"Straight my ass, you're a smacking queer." I said with a chortle, and Ryu glared at me. I blushed.

"I better go, will call you later, okay? Set your alarm, or you would be late for work later." I said, reminded him.

"Okay. I love you Kyo." He said, and I know he meant it not just for show knowing that Ryu was listening in. I smiled again, thinking of his face. "I love you Kai." I said and hang up the phone.

Ryu took my arm, "So, who was that? Your new boyfriend?" He teased, I was hurt for a bit, he was acting as if nothing happened, like we've decided everything when he threw away everything we built together.

I shrugged and tried to get away from his grasp, "Oh, my room mate and best friend. He was just checking on me to see if am okay." I said, taking the bag from him. I know he would be hurt when I said what Kai is in my life that was he reduced me to be when he decided to get a life without me. His face fell. We walked in silence to the car.

As we rode in silence, I reminisce how it was then with us before, this is his second car, the other one, the first one, we always have car trouble with it. There were instance that he panicked when the engine conked out on us and we were stranded in the middle of the off ramp, all the cars and trucks screaming at us, almost hitting us, he didn't want to get out of the car to direct the traffic away from us, he was crying and panicking all of a sudden. "Don't get out! Don't remove your seatbelt babe, just sit there, in case someone hit us you would be secure with your seatbelt!" he shouted at me, gripping my arm, forcing me to look front, crying. I got my phone and dialed his mom's number and told her what happened and she said she will call the towing service and told me to calm Ryu down.

We got out of there in one piece. There were instances that I have to be with him in his rounds with his patients, because he was rattled and forget stuff, and maybe he just wants me to tug along. So even if without sleep, I would just change clothes and grab everything we need and sleep in the car while he does his exams. Then after lunch, would go home and crash for a couple of hours and then wake up to go to work.

I had sacrificed a lot in this relationship, it just crushed me that he threw that away and didn't give importance to what I did and what I sacrificed for him. I looked around the car, we picked this car, he chose blue because it's my favorite color, I remembered how excited he was bringing me to the car dealer and asking me what I want and what color, as if I can drive it.

We watched a movie once, a corny love story, about a couple, their trials and temptations that drew them apart, and there was a part there where the dad of the guy was saying that the guy was lucky, that he finally found his home with the girl, that the girl is just like a worn slipper, it means a lot to you, tattered and old, but it is home, so you keep it and treasure it no matter how useless it is now. I gave him a pair slipper keychain for his car, I searched the entire strip trying to find that perfect symbol how much he meant to me, like in the movie, Ryu was my slipper, my home. I glanced at the keychain, it was still there, he was still using it. And I looked at the mirror, yes, the pendant with his Chinese name is still hanging by the mirror, I gave that to him. I felt my chest tightening. What is happening? I don't want this feeling, I don't want to be here. I closed my eyes, feeling dizzy and nauseated.

I felt him grab my arm, "Are you alright?" he asked, glancing at me. I nodded, searched my bag for my medication.

"Could we stop at the gas station, I needed water." I said, calmly.

Ryu looked at him, he is faking again, those attacks, he thinks he can fool me, he always does this to get my attention. Well, am not falling for it this time.

"Alright, it would be ten miles to the nearest gas station. Can you hang on that long?" Ryu asked, I nodded my head and closed my eyes. Pulled my seat down a bit and closed my eyes.

We drove in silence, I was just probably exhausted from all the activities and the flight and the drive over here. I fell into a deep slumber.

Kyo's phone rang, Ryu tried to shake him awake but he was so out of it that he didn't stir. Ryu picked it up, new phone, he noticed, there's a picture of Kyo and another guy, probably the boyfriend, Ryu smirked, and then, he saw the guy's picture flashed on the screen, so he was the one calling. Thinking this is another pretend, Ryu answered the phone.

"Hello? This is Ryu, Kyo's best friend, he is sleeping right now." He said.

Kai was taken aback, it's him! There's still on the road, why is Kyo sleeping? Did something happen?

"Hi, Ryu, this is Kai, is everything alright? I just called to check up on him if he took his medication already." Kai said. Ryu was stunned, Kyo used to do that to him, remind him of stuff, now there's someone doing that to his former lover. He wished Jin would be the same. Jin is okay and all, but it's Ryu who does everything, clean the house, prepares the meals, do the chores, prepare his clothes and stuff. He was reduced to wifely duties like what Kyo used to do for him.

They don't take turns like Kyo and Ryu does when Kyo wasn't feeling okay or was too tired from work, he would do the laundry or cook the meal. But living with Jin is different, he was the spoiled one, he is the bread winner, so it's natural for Ryu to do everything. And yeah, he was still under Jin after all, being just one of the medical examiners in Jin's company.

"Oh, he was feeling dizzy so he is taking a nap, I was gonna stop by the gas station so he can take his medicine." Ryu replied.

"I got him a couple of injections, he didn't know it, and it's a bit pricey so he didn't want me to get it. But I stuck it at the pocket of his bag, he needs it on this trip more convenient than those pills that he got. Could you give him the shot?" Kai said, worriedly.

Ryu wanted to cry, this guy sounded that he did really care about Kyo, something he never did show his former lover. "He is scheduled for a gallbladder operation next month, he need his shots to get him through until his operation." Kai informed him.

Ryu gasped. Operation?! So he really isn't faking it! He shot a glance at Kyo. Oh, Kyo, am so sorry, am so, so sorry. I didn't take care of you and loved you as I should. "I- I will, Kai. Thank you." Ryu said.

"Please have him call me when he wakes up. Am about to go to work but I would have my phone with me." Kai said. Ryu said he would and hung up.

He stopped at the side of the road and put his blinkers on. He took the bag from Kyo's arms, Kyo stirred, "Shhh…go back to sleep." He coaxed, looking for the injection.

Ryu met amber eyes, "What are you doing?" Kyo asked weakly, trying to get up.

Ryu pushed him down gently, "Kai called and he said, he packed you some injections in your bag, am looking for it to give you a shot." Ryu replied, almost teary-eyed. You have done so much, and here I am thinking bad things about you. I'm such a fool! Thoughts raced through Ryu's as he fumbled with Kyo's bag.

Kyo's wan face brightened, "Crazy guy, told him not to get it." He mumbled, grabbing his phone.

Kyo dialed Kai's number, Ryu watched Kyo's face transformed, how could he thought that Kyo would stay in love with him forever?

"Hey, it's me." Kyo said, blushing. Ryu wanted to laugh, he is like a teenager with a crush.

"Hey, me. How are you feeling? I miss you." Kai voice softened, he was at the bar already, feeling so energized and happy, cradling the phone, thinking of the wild sex they did the night before. Funny, he never really thought he would go for another guy. And here he is the playboy Kai, flirting with his boyfriend on the phone.

"Probably am just tired because someone kept me up all night last night." Kyo said, with a chortle. There he is laughing again, Ryu observed, he looked at him closely, despite the pallor on his face, he still looked lean and handsome. Suddenly, he wanted it to be the same like before, he wanted to take him away from that guy Kai, Kyo is his. He never ends it with him before.

"Thank you for the injection. I told you, you don't need to get the injections, babe." He said, and blushed deeper, he just called his best friend, babe. Ryu pouted reached for his arm and stuck the needle without warning.

"Oww!" Kyo yelped. "Sorry." Ryu said, rubbing his arm with alcohol pad.

"What's wrong?" Kai asked, worriedly. Kyo looked at Ryu.

"Nothing, babe. Will talk to you later." He said, getting used to calling his best friend with that affectionate term.

"I love you, Kyo, be careful." Kai said, making kissing sound on the phone.

Kyo laughed, "I love you Kai." He said, staring at his phone, hoping the person he was talking to would materialized before him.

Ryu interrupted his thoughts, "Why don't you take a nap, we have a long way to go," Ryu said, touching his arm. Kyo flinched. Ryu withdrew his hand hurt.

"I'm sorry." Kyo said, softly looking away.

"I'm trying here, Kyo. I want to put this behind us, I want us to be friends again. Cut me some slack." Ryu said, almost close to tears.

Kyo laughed, a sarcastic laugh. Shaking his head, "Cut you some slack," he said, facing his former lover, "Cut you some slack. Ryu, are you listening to what you're saying? You want us to be friends. After you cheated on me, dump me, threw me out of my own house and got married and now you're telling me cut you some slack and let's be friends again? Unbelievable." Kyo said, in disgust. Kyo turned and face the window, holding back the tears.

The wind and the snow storm stopped them from going further, so Ryu parked the car in the rest area. Kyo tried his mobile phone but he couldn't get a signal to call Kai.

Ryu grabbed his arm again. Kyo was too weak to shrug it off. "I do love you Kyo." He said.

Tsk…"You have a great way of showing it. Thanks." Kyo said, sarcastically.

"I want us to be back the same way, Kyo." Ryu said.

Kyo looked at him, furiously, wanting to punch him. "I think you're a little too late for that, don't you think? You're forgetting you're married now."

Ryu was quiet. Looking at him with pleading eyes. Kyo punched the dashboard. Breathing so hard.

"Holy smack!" Kyo shouted, couldn't hold back the tears now. Kyo glared at him.

"You're so full of it, Ryu. Just because I put up with you for ten years that doesn't mean I would have an affair with you." I shouted. Putting my hands on my head, shaking. My body began to shake again. I got to be strong, Kai helped me through this, I shouldn't let him down.

"You wanted, too, before." He said, in a small voice.

He reached out and tried to hold me, I shrugged away angrily, "Don't touch me! You've lost that right a long time ago!" I snapped at him.

"Oh, is it because you've got Kai now?" he snapped back.

I laid my head back, my head spinning. Closed my eyes. I need to get this over with. I took breathes.

"Kai is not my lover or my boyfriend. But he is far more than you will ever be in my life." I said, in an even tone. I looked at him, tears streaming down my own face.

"I never wanted to see you again, Ryu. Ever again. But Kai said, we should have closure. I had taken you out of my system. And I want you out of my life for good. I have somehow made myself believed that I have not even met you. Just a passing unknown, unimportant in my life. The same way you treated me." I said, I know each word cuts like a knife.

Ryu whirled around, "You're full of it, you think you're so special that anyone would want you, you think anyone would fall for you. You were just faking it after all these years." He dared accused me.

"I'm not gonna go there if I were you, don't want to embarrassed myself, if I name names and places. I'm just simply a play thing, a passing thing if you got tired of your other lovers." I said.

Ryu grabbed the keychain off the ignition and threw it at my face, "Why do you think I kept this?" he shouted angrily, grabbed the pendant and threw that at me, too, "And this!" He said, opening compartments and threw stuff at me, "If you don't mean anything to me, why do I keep them, even this car, you picked the brand and the color."

My head was spinning, and felt I was gonna throw up, Opened the door, and heaved out the entire meal on the snow covered pavement, I would have fallen in if Ryu didn't grabbed me and pulled me back in the car.

Kyo's face was white as ghost, "I'm sorry, hon, I'm sorry." Ryu whispered, grabbing for the blanket at the back seat. Trying to find my bag and my other syringe.

Kyo passed out as soon as the needle left his arm. Ryu bundled him up, letting him rest, they couldn't go anywhere even if he wanted to take him to the hospital.

He touched his face, crying, he finally realized why he was doing all these stuff, he really love this guy all along, wanting, needing and demanding for his attention. Even if he hurt him, cheated on him, he always ends up where he started, right beside Kyo. He was just so confident that Kyo wouldn't leave him, wouldn't go find another partner and would love him no matter what he does.

"Am so sorry, Kyo. I keep doing this to you. I keep messing up." Ryu cried. How he really wish he could change things.

Kyo's phone rang again. It's Kai. Ryu didn't want to answer it. But he knew that Kai wouldn't stop calling if he didn't.

"Hi, Ryu again. Kyo's sleeping. We're parked in a rest area, there's a snow storm." Ryu said, trying to make his voice sound calm.

"Did he eat? Is he feeling okay?" Kai asked, worriedly.

Ryu wanted to hang up the phone, this guy is pissing him off.

"I'm a licensed nurse, you think I don't know what to do? Who are you anyway, you're not even his boyfriend?" Ryu snapped.

"Licensed my ass, yeah, but you didn't do shit when you guys were together, so I doubt you will do a better job now. I maybe just his room mate and I may have just known him for only six months but, I bet you, I know more about his medical history than you." Kai said, sarcastically.

Ryu was too stunned to reply.

"I don't get it. What makes you so special. I also got a fuck hole like you. Kyo must have bumped his head or something to fall for someone like a selfish bastard like you. Kyo sacrificed everything for you but you threw all of that, took for granted the one person who loves you most." Kai went on and on, Ryu was breathing hard, speechless, because the faceless stranger on the phone was right.

"I'm lucky than you are, Ryu. You maybe with him now. But after your trip, he comes home to me and I got news for you, fuck hole, I'm not letting him go. He might not love me as much as he loves you but, I love him more than he loves you!" Kai said.

"I'm gonna hang up now." Ryu said, finally. But his comeback sounded so weak.

"Go ahead, if Kyo doesn't call me in another hour, pray that he is okay. I tracked Kyo's phone, I know where you are now. If something happened to him, better make sure I won't catch you, I'm gonna skin you alive!" Kai said, and hung up the phone.

Ryu stared at the phone wide-eyed. Kyo stirred, forgetting where he was. He looked at Ryu as if he was dreaming.

"Hi," Ryu greeted. "Hungry?" he asked. Kyo didn't say anything, just looked at him.

"There's a restaurant down the street, wait here, I would get you something to eat." Ryu said, getting out of the car, without waiting for his reply.

Kyo noticed his phone was at the driver's seat. He picked it up and checked, Kai just called. He dialed his refuge.

"Hey," Kyo greeted, his voice gruff.

"Hey, you…are you okay?" Kai asked, worriedly, wanting to see him so back and hold him.

Kyo didn't want to worry him, he knew he wouldn't stop calling him if he told him what really happened.

"I'm okay, fell asleep, so exhausted. Someone kept me up and made me feel so sore, I could hardly walk." Kyo said, with a laugh.

Kai laughed, too, relieved that he is okay. This is what he wants, Kyo thought. Just to be with someone who cares for you just as you are, that's why he doesn't care if they are lovers are not, because he knows Kai cares for him like no one has ever does.

When Ryu got back, and tried to talk to him again. He raised his hand to stop him.

"I used to be so in love with you, Ryu. But that was a different you then, and now, you're in love with a different me. The Kyo you knew then is gone. So let's just leave it at that. Someone is waiting for me back home, and someone is depending on you now. So let's just go on with this trip and leave the past behind. I hope this will be the last time I will see you." Kyo said.

Ryu tried to hold him again, Kyo pulled his hands away gently. "Don't make the same mistake you did then, make it right this time, Ryu. I didn't deserve what you did to me then, Jin doesn't deserve what you're planning to do now." Kyo said, that stopped Ryu.

When they got back to Vegas, Kyo insisted that he will take the next bus heading back to California, back to Kai. He never ached for someone so much before. He ached so desperately to be with Kai, just to hold him and be with him.

It was late when he got back, Kai was already in bed. He got out of his clothes and climbed in the bed, Kai didn't know he took an earlier trip back. Kai was surprised when someone enclosed him in an embraced and kiss the back of his nape, "Hey." Kyo whispered. "Hmmm…your home early." Kai said, in a sleepy voice and faced Kyo, and kissed him. "Yeah, was lonely for you." Kyo said, and their lips met. "Welcome home." Kai said. Yes, home. Kyo thought. And felt safe and warm in Kai's arms.

Owari


End file.
